Getting ready for Flavia

I finally gave in on Tuesday. My sleep patterns have been deteriorating for ages and, since Thursday have become so horrendous as does not bear thinking about. On Monday, despite 4 Tesco over-the-counter tablets I managed 3 hours sleep and looked, to my own critical gaze, terrible. So, I went to the doc and asked, discreetly, for some Mickey Finns. Just to get me to the end of term. Unfortunately she gave me some anti-anxiety tabs (didn't know such things existed!) and some anti-depressants. I am NOT depressed. I'm shattered!

Right now I'm taking the anti-anxiety complete with temazapam, which have been prescribed for the times when my mingraines become too intolerable. At least with those I actually get some 7 hours sleep. So far. I'm not planning it for ever, in fact I hope to desist tomorrow evening. I just need the sleep.

Of course, I'm not stopping them this evening because of tomorrow. It is The Day. I'm supposed to see Flavia for 3 hours tomorrow - and travel forever, of course. I'm waiting for a call to say she's too upset to see me. I just hope he has the decency to telephone before I leave rather than after.

We saw a solicitor today. She recommended we have a barrister to argue our case. Wonderful. Just what I want. Just need the cash. Especially since she also suggested we have a psychiatrist report for Flavia (or the family) to gauge how much Simon's been brainwashing her. However they aren't cheap. Oh for a money miracle!

My aunt telephoned yesterday to ask whether we were going to my mother's birthday party. Yeah, right. Spend around 10 (stressful) hours out of the house tomorrow then spend around 7 hours travelling on Sunday (that is if we hire a car - more if we don't) with painful socializing in between. I gave as the excuse the Statement, which has to be posted on Monday. I did not mention the 150 GCSE Mock scripts I have to mark (and input on to the computer) by 19 December - and teach, too.

I have to admit, I'm feeling a tad cussed. My aunt, mother and brother all supported Simon initially. They wrote letters of support - my brother's was eulogizing and downright nauseating. They had seen him once, for 2 hours in 15 years, yet swore he was a wonderful father and husband and perfect single parent material. I finally mentioned it to my aunt and mother this week - no apology, no explanation. They might not have known he was abusive, but I agree with Mark, that's no excuse for selling me down the river for no reason. Simply because he's charming and wears a dog collar. Grrrrr. My brother is henpecked by his wife, who is a staunch Roman Catholic and cannot believe anyone with a dog collar (can be wrong). I remember how she treated her daughter. Really, she was abused, whilst my nephew was still having his shoelaces tied for him when he was 10. So I had no chance there. Doesn't mean I forgive them, though, and I certainly don't trust them.

Well, we will see what tomorrow brings. Should be interesting. Obviously it is supposed to rain in Uckfield tomorrow - but I guessed that over a week ago!